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On the website Good Guys 2 Great Men, the author, Steve Horsmon, claims:

Even the research by vulnerability expert Brene Brown confirms the current social conditioning of women to be disappointed and disgusted (her words) by male vulnerability.

Did Brené Brown ever claim to have reached that conclusion?

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    I'd be interested in research by Brené Brown - her website research page is ... a thing to behold, but does not list papers. (brenebrown.com/the-research) - the publications listed by semanticscholar (just 11?) (semanticscholar.org/author/B.-Brown/144396954) include her books, which in turn contain gems like "Once you see a pattern, you can’t un-see it. Trust me, I’ve tried. But when the same truth keeps repeating itself, it’s hard to pretend that it’s just a coincidence." and ...continued...
    – bukwyrm
    Commented Jun 14, 2023 at 13:27
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    ... "As I started analyzing the stories and looking for re-occurring themes, I realized that the patterns generally fell into one of two columns; [...] The Do column was brimming with words like worthiness, rest, play, trust, faith, intuition, hope, authenticity, love, belonging, joy, gratitude, and creativity. [...] I gasped the first time I stepped back from the poster paper and took it all in. It was the worst kind of sticker shock. I remember mumbling, “No. No. No. How can this be?” " ---- no comment on that one
    – bukwyrm
    Commented Jun 14, 2023 at 13:29

2 Answers 2

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On the same site, in a different article, Horsmon provides more context to his claim:

The article continued the discussion Brene Brown started in her book, Daring Greatly, where she addresses male vulnerability.

“We ask men to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In these moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart” (Brene Brown, Daring Greatly).

Ideally at this point, I would link to Google Books, to show the actual quote is present in the book, and so you can see it in context. Unfortunately, Google Books doesn't have a scanned preview, so I will rely on a third party for the quote.

GoodReads cites this quote - and it is longer, showing this isn't a case of citogenesis from Horsmon:

“Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart. They know the risks, and they see the look in our eyes when we’re thinking, C’mon! Pull it together. Man up. As Joe Reynolds, one of my mentors and the dean at our church, once told me during a conversation about men, shame, and vulnerability, “Men know what women really want. They want us to pretend to be vulnerable. We get really good at pretending.”

In conclusion:

  • I haven't shown that Brown's research is of high quality.
  • I haven't shown that Horsmon is using Brown's research appropriately.
  • I have shown that Horsmon is quoting Brown's claims accurately.
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  • Comments have been moved to chat; please do not continue the discussion here. Before posting a comment below this one, please review the purposes of comments. Comments that do not request clarification or suggest improvements usually belong as an answer, on Skeptics Meta, or in Skeptics Chat. Comments continuing discussion may be removed.
    – Oddthinking
    Commented Apr 9, 2023 at 12:36
  • I found source quoting this from source "Brown, B. 2012. The power of vulnerability: Teachings on authenticity, connection, & courage" p95, For those who wish to further pursue the original text.
    – pinegulf
    Commented Apr 13, 2023 at 11:41
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    @Oddthinking Notice that the original quote indicates that the conclusion is derived from research asking men what they think is going on ... meaning that the research shows that men believe that women think <thing> whereas Horsmon's claim is that women do think <thing> ... which is subtly different. It's not so different that I'd claim the Horsmon is inaccurate ... but I'd say it requires more nuance that "yes that is what Brown is claiming".
    – Brondahl
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 14:31
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On page 62 of her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead of the 2012 edition she writes:

I was not prepared to hear over and over from men how the women—the mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives—in their lives are constantly criticizing them for not being open and vulnerable and intimate, all the while they are standing in front of that cramped wizard closet where their men are huddled inside, adjusting the curtain and making sure no one sees in and no one gets out. There was a moment when I was driving home from an interview with a small group of men and thought, Holy shit. I am the patriarchy.

Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart. They know the risks, and they see the look in our eyes when we’re thinking, C’mon! Pull it together. Man up. As Joe Reynolds, one of my mentors and the dean at our church, once told me during a conversation about men, shame, and vulnerability, “Men know what women really want. They want us to pretend to be vulnerable. We get really good at pretending.”

Covert shame hurts just as much as overt shame. Take, for example, the man who told me that he was always feeling shame with his wife around money. He said the latest instance was when his wife came home and said, “I just saw Katie’s new house! It’s amazing. She’s so happy to finally get that dream house. On top of that, she’s going to quit working next year.”

He told me his immediate response was rage. So he picked a fight with his wife about her mother coming to visit, and then quickly disappeared to another part of the house. As we were talking about this conversation, he said, “It was shame. Why did she have to say that? I get it. Katie’s husband makes a lot of money. He takes better care of her. I can’t compete.”

When I asked him if he thought that it was her intention to hurt him or shame him, he responded, “I’m not sure. Who knows? I turned down a job that paid a lot more but required traveling three weeks out of the month. She said she was supportive, and that she and the kids would miss me too much, but now she makes little comments about money all of the time. I have no idea what to think.”

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    This quote is already included in an existing answer, which provides additional context and discussion. This post just does not answer the question in any useful way.
    – Nij
    Commented Jul 1, 2023 at 5:22
  • @Nij : The quote in the other answer doesn't come directly out of the book and also does not contain the context in which the quote was made.
    – Christian
    Commented Aug 19, 2023 at 18:25

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