I see many quotes affirming that Al Pacino once said
I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness.
However, I have never found this audio, soundtrack, movie clip or anything.
Is it true that Al Pacino said this?
No, Al Pacino did not say this.
The comedian Emo Philips claims it as his own in a Guardian Article from September 2005 entitled "The best god joke ever" (Incidentally, the title does not claim the quoted joke as the best God joke ever)
[...] possible effect if the British government goes ahead with its intention to outlaw "offensive" religious jokes [....] So I hope the ban never goes into effect. But in case it does, I had better seize this last glorious moment to tell the rest of my religious jokes. Here goes:
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me... and I got it!
This was originally said as part of a show, reported as from 1985 and can be viewed on YouTube. Comedians are usually careful to not rip-off someone else's jokes, so it is safe to assume this was his own material.
the Lord doesn't work that way. al pacino = 285,000 results. the Lord doesn't work that way. emo philips = 65,500 results. There's misattribution, and then there's MISATTRIBUTION!!!